a good weekend.

Yesterday I returned back to my new home from a long weekend trip to France.  This seems like a random place to go, because it was.  I went because my oldest friend is currently studying abroad in Paris, and we don’t really get the opportunity to see each other much.  I expected things to be just as amazing as the other rare chances that I’ve had to be with her, of course.  Every time that we do get the lucky break to spend time together it’s a unique and similarly wonderful experience.  However, this past weekend was that…and more.

Even since the last time we were together (which was eight months ago), I have matured a lot.  I’m more realized in myself as a person who is part of a larger picture.  My life is a bit easier now that I am doing what is best for me and that I’m following that (sort of) Ayn Rand-ish path.  Those things said, there are still individual things that I find important, including my close friends.

This shot was an accidental masterpiece.

“Tell me: what is my life without your love?
Tell me: who am I without you by my side?”

-George Harrison, “What Is Life”

Many people who know me well probably know of my friend, Meaghan, and how much I care about her.  We’ve known each other for about four years, and we’ve always lived far away from one another.  It’s pretty funny that living away from home in Europe has made a visit more convenient than back in the US.  Because of all of these circumstances, this weekend was totally unlike any other experience I’ve had.

Being on our own and not having the constraints of normal daily routines around our ankles, we were completely free to do whatever we wanted.  Every single moment in Paris was full of luster and fun.  Just walking around and riding the Parisian trains was an ecstasy-ridden activity.  I hate doing tourist-like things, but even going to the Eiffel Tower was brilliant.

I don’t know many people who can provide that kind of joy for me while there are thousands of people around trying to make postcard memories that many before them have made as well.  I guess that’s what’s so cool about all of this.  I was in a classically romantic, adventurous, and touristy city…which is usually a huge turn off for me.  Yet I had the best days of my entire life there.  That says a lot about my friendship, doesn’t it?

-Kevin S. Stringer

here.

So last week, on Tuesday, I arrived in Iceland.  It was about six in the morning (one in the morning for my body).  The airport was about a forty-five minute drive away from the city, so we got to ride in while watching the sun rise.  The orange glow illuminated the untouched landscape, as if discovering it for the very first time.  To see a such natural beauty was refreshing to my soul.

“This magic world;

It inspires.”

James, “Crazy”

I didn’t take this picture, but it looked pretty much exactly like this.

I feel more relaxed than ever before.  It’s as if this place has worked some magic on me that has washed away doubts, fears, and anxieties that previously poisoned me.  I don’t know how to describe it without sounding like a total hippie.  I guess that I can say that it’s pretty great thus far.  Everything about being here calms me.  The air is so much fresher than back home, and despite the sometimes fierce winds, I love being outside and just breathing.  It soothes my whole body and just washes over me.  The people here are also extremely easygoing and lighthearted (at least the ones that I’ve gotten to know).  That isn’t to say that people here don’t take things seriously, because they do.  But there’s a certain air of bubbly happiness that kind of penetrates daily life here.  I could be wrong, since I’ve been here for only a week, but in general I see people enjoying life.

There’s so much more smiling, laughing, and general playfulness here.  It’s not necessarily an overindulgent culture, but things are just so right and balanced here.  I suppose the best one word description that works would be “light”.  There doesn’t seem to be an abundance of things being over-the-top like in the United States (Hollywood blockbusters, pop music, skyscrapers, etc.).

Another breathtaking photograph that I unfortunately didn’t shoot.

Also, let me mention the water.  Wow.  The water running through the city’s pipes isn’t manually filtered at all…it comes from volcanic sources that naturally purify it.  Homes and buildings are heated by water underneath the ground, which is totally awesome.  The cold tap water is delicious (it definitely rivals the stuff we get in Saint Louis), and the hot water is soothing to the touch.  The hot water does smell like sulfur though, which I’m still getting used to.  Also, swimming pools are heated.  We went swimming on Saturday afternoon, and it was a really cool experience.  I’m definitely going to go many more times.

There’s not much else to say.  I really enjoy my living situation with a host family (they’re wonderful), and it’s generally great to just be around people.  My one year at college brought out the cynic in me, mainly because most people were just a drag to interact with.  Even with a (thin) language barrier, connecting with people is easier and more worthwhile.  This is obviously a generalization, but it’s also based on my two experiences.  And right now, Iceland wins.

The people, nature, culture, and general attitude are all exactly what I want.  I feel indescribably comfortable here.  When people ask me what my plans are after my year of volunteering is over, I just say that I have no idea.  I used to have a set agenda for my life all planned out, and that just made me anxiously anticipate what was coming next.  Now I’m truly enjoying the present with full attention.  The stimuli are all entering me as if I am a newborn baby who hasn’t experienced life yet.  Feeling this fresh is what life should be like.

-Kevin S. Stringer

18 September 2012

five weeks.

It’s strange to think of how excited I was one year ago to finally be studying music in a more “prestigious” academic environment.  It’s also strange to think of how lost in the delusion I was.  That delusion, of course, was that music was something I was meant to be a part of.  And it’s true, but not in the way that I had imagined it back then.  Everyone kept nudging me towards the performance life, and I didn’t realize until I was right next to it that I wanted nothing to do with professional music.  It practically disgusted me.  Reevaluating things from a distance can make an impact, and it did for me.

“He’s never early, he’s always late
First thing you learn is you always gotta wait
I’m waiting for my man”

The Velvet Underground – I’m Waiting for the Man

A year later, I’m in a totally different place, with a lot more knowledge, foresight, and sound decision-making.  This doesn’t mean that I’m anywhere near perfect, or even good for that matter, but I’m certainly in a much better position to make life choices now.  The coolest part of where I stand today is that I don’t really have much of a solid plan.  Before I went to college I kind of had a checklist of things to do for the rest of my life, and that’s so ridiculous to me now.  Everything in one’s life can change in a matter of moments (or weeks, in my case), and it’s good to be in a position to handle that well.  I wasn’t in that position, but I was lucky enough to not completely suffocate in my own loneliness.

So I leave in five weeks, which is mathematical!  I don’t really have anything else to say about that which is real news to anybody.  It feels like it’s super far away, but as soon as I go to bed the night before I leave, I’ll definitely have a little panic attack.  You know, the one in my brain that goes like: “wow, I wish I had more time with friends before I left the country for an indefinite period of time”.  Craziness.

perfect placement.

So, yesterday, on the fourth, I received an e-mail from my program coordinator at United Planet that gave me a pretty good idea of what I’ll be doing and where I’ll be for the next year.  They customized a brand new program just for me, so it’s not completely finalized yet.  It’s pretty darn close though, so I’ll learn even more details about it in the coming weeks.

The plan is for me to be a teacher’s assistant at The Icelandic Film School (or Kvikmyndaskóla Íslands).  Which, I don’t know, is kind of amazing.  I was really interested in getting into film after my year of volunteer work, so the fact that I get to spend that year working in a film school is the perfect segue into a movie-making career.  I went from being Benjamin Braddock in The Graduate to the little kid at the end of Jingle All the Way (in no way am I comparing the two movies, don’t worry).

Even though I’ll be an assistant rather than a student, I’ll still be in the environment of academia, which rocks.  If I decide to actually attend there after my first year is up, I will have already developed a relationship with the school.  Pretty awesome.  Plus, I’ll probably have first hand experience with filmmaking even while I’m volunteering there.

For those who don’t know me, I love movies.  Film is a really exciting medium for creativity because it involves all of the other artforms when it’s done correctly.  Unfortunately, in my humble opinion, there aren’t many movies done correctly these days, or at least ones that are large in the public eye.  Even the creative geniuses like George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have become lost in the trend of CGI and no storytelling.  And the more the audience is dumbed down, the harder it will be to have an amazing movie well liked.  For example, last year, The Tree of Life by Terrence Malick was released, and it really polarized audiences and critics.  Yes, it was a pretentious egomaniacal mess, but it was stunning visually.  It was hard for people to be patient and really enjoy the moment when we’ve been bombarded with movies made by people like Michael Bay.

Our collective attention span is getting way smaller, and that shortens the margin that allows real filmmakers to explore their creativities.  I’m not trying to say that I’m out to save the film business, because I don’t have that kind of power, nor is it really in need of saving.  It just needs people who care that can put it back on the right direction.  With the age of technology, films should be blowing works from the past out of the water, but they aren’t.  Movies like Citizen Kane, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Apocalypse Now, etc. are still unchallenged as being some of the greatest movies of all time.  Really the only director who can achieve that kind of status is Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, There Will Be Blood).  Hopefully with our generation there will be more filmmakers who generally care about the health of Hollywood.

I do see myself as someone who cares, and hopefully through my volunteer work at Kvikmyndaskóla Íslands and with a future education in filmmaking, I can gain the tools and skills needed to make some great stuff.  I have ideas in my head all of the time, and I have two completely finished screenplays.  So maybe this next year is just the perfect chance for a career to begin.  We shall see.  Until then, I’m doing what I can with the limited resources that I have.  And in the coming future, I’ll be ready to take advantage of any and all opportunities that come my way.

I’ll leave you with a really awesome song by the Icelandic band Of Monsters and Men.  It’s about a woman with Alzheimer’s disease whose husband still takes care of her, even in the face of torture and pain.  I think it’s appropriate because I’ll be leaving behind a lot of great people, but I’ll still have to make the most of my upcoming experience.

Of Monsters and Men – Little Talks

 

-Kevin S. Stringer

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today is the first day of my life.

Today is the first day of my life.  I couldn’t be happier today.  The past nineteen-or-so years do not belong to me.  Rather, they belong to my family, my friends, the schools and churches that I’ve attended, my local/state/federal government, and to the contemporary culture and society of the United States.  Today, however, belongs to me.  As does every day until I die.

I am the master of my own fate:

I am the captain of my soul.

— William Ernest Henley, “Invictus”

My face, personality, name, body, and spirit are the same today as they have always been.  But one new thing is now mine: my existence.  It’s my turn to pilot the twists and turns that lay ahead of me, and it’s my turn to navigate the uncharted depths of the human experience.  Just because I am distancing myself physically from the past nineteen years does not exclude their influence.  I will still keep important relationships intact and close to my heart.  I will still like the same music, film, food, and humor.  But from this day forward, everything added to me was added by me, not by the powers surrounding me.

“We’ll crucify the insincere tonight,
We’ll make things right, we’ll feel it all tonight,
We’ll find a way to offer up the night tonight,
The indescribable moments of your life tonight,
The impossible is possible tonight,
Believe in me as I believe in you, tonight.”

— The Smashing Pumpkins, “Tonight, Tonight”

The best part, perhaps, is the unpredictability of what will happen in the next five, ten, or fifty years of my life.  Anything can happen, and I’ve never had this kind of anticipation before.  Life has always been planned out for me by outside agents at work.  I was supposed to go to elementary school, middle school, high school, then college, maybe go to graduate school, get a job on the career path that suits me, fall in love, get married, have children, and die satisfied with what I had made.  That may work for some people, but not for me.  Having things planned out way ahead of time usually leads to disappointment, at least with my experiences.

My very best moments have all been spontaneously magnificent.  I played on stage at Pointfest my sophomore year of high school with one of my favorite rock bands.  In August of 2009, one of my closest friends flew hundreds of miles just to see me, and we ended up seeing my friends’ amazing band live, and spending an evening in my favorite part of Saint Louis.  In my junior and senior years I had the opportunity to play jazz with great friends on television and live radio.  Last night also makes the list, as I got to spend the evening dancing to the blues with a new and amazing friend here at Loyola.  Every event here has one huge thing in common: the adrenaline rush of anticipating that next second.  Things can go from great to fantastic, or even to terrible.  But either way, it’s the thrill of the ride that I seek more than anything.

Within approximately three months, I’ll be living in Iceland, volunteering forty hours per week.  I will see natural beauties that photos on the internet cannot do justice, and I will meet beautiful, intelligent people whose culture I will be beginning to join.  And don’t forget the enjoyment of volunteer work.  This isn’t a self-righteous cause to better my karma with good works, but rather a chance for me to be happy and to share that happiness with people who have decided to accept outside help.  There are few things, in my opinion, that can trump that connection.  I’ll end with an excerpt of my favorite music lyrics, by my favorite band.

“The men at the factory are old and cunning,

You don’t owe nothing, so boy get running!

It’s the best years of your life they want to steal.”

— The Clash, “Clampdown”

Today is the first day of my life.

 

 

 

 

-Kevin Sweeney Stringer

10 May 2012